A Lengthy Summary In Attempt To Introduce Myself and My Illness- Part 1

I have tried to start blog after blog about this but I think the timing was never right. It feels right now. And beyond that, I have felt a lot of push from the chronically ill community and seen so many issues pertinent to the chronically ill community that I felt needed a voice. I have found tools and programs that might benefit you if you suffer from a condition or from pain. I have to share. So you may find grammatical errors, spelling errors. I’m going to do my best but I’ve been out of English class a long time.

In 2010, I found out that I had two herniated discs in my cervical region. After many failed non-surgical therapies, it became evident that I was not getting well- in fact was worsening- and I went ahead and had an anterior cervical discectomy with fusion, which was the recommended surgery for this issue.

Three months after the fusion, still no improvement- although my doc was supposedly the best (I do think he was probably one of the best!). My pain management doctor recommended physical therapy so I started that in hopes that my pain would decrease. After about 3 sessions, I lost range of motion in my right shoulder and had sharp pains there. A visit to an orthopedist and and MRI later revealed that I had a rotator cuff tear. Easy peasy! Just ripping apart like an old tattered rag doll. At my neck surgery follow up, the surgeon said the neck looked perfect- I should be pain-free! I felt like a failure because I was probably the farthest thing ever from pain-free.

So, about 6 months out of surgery, and about to move out of town, I was facing another surgery. I basically just said no, I can’t do it. I just have to wait. I connected with a new orthopedist about a year later, and he checked my tear. It was gone- healed! Now if the rest of me would just follow suit I would be in business.

Before I moved, my pain and the fatigue (which I thought was due to the pain) was affecting my work terribly. I always thought I was going to get better- if I could just find the right medication, right therapy, right doctor, right exercise program, right MLM smoothie, pray the right way, have the right person pray over me, there was something out there that was going to give me the results I needed. I would have been willing to go to a Benny Hinn crusade at that point, not kidding. Anything at all. After having to leave my hospice job, the first job I got at our new home, the job I had longed for, I mentally started to really lose it. It wasn’t the first time (ask my kids) (on second thought, don’t). But it was probably the worst. The kind of lose it when you start to laugh hysterically when you start talking about how bad things are. Losing it. To the point I started scaring myself, scaring my friends. I was drinking too much and doing a lot of things too much. Sleeping too much. Not eating enough. I was seriously not doing well. It was the grace of God that kept me alive- cause at this point, I sure didn’t want to be.